Oxymoron?

They say that to be successful, put your heart and soul into whatever you do. In fact, being a scientist is one of those professions where you need to work wholeheartedly - not only to be successful, but also to avoid being miserable. Yet, I'm a reluctant scientist.

As far as I can remember, I really enjoyed math and science. One of my early memories is that of teaching my 'fictitious' students how to do long divisions in my backyard 'school'. I had the dream to be a scientist, just like Einstein, but of course, wearing the white 'scientist' lab coat (I wonder why it's so hard to reconcile these two scientist looks). I scored high in math and I participated in science exhibitions. One thing led to another and here I am. Just passed my PhD qualifiers (informally). So, looks like I will get a PhD. And I will be a scientist (although I don't resemble the Einstein look by any stretch of imagination, nor do I wear a white lab coat). But I hope to be a good scientist. My adviser is one of the best in the field. He's someone I respect tremendously and I work with some exceptional minds in Computer Science. I work on some very exciting research problems.

So why the reluctance?

Because science has never been the only endeavor in my life. Ever. There were always other things that I found equally exciting. I started my experiments in the kitchen as a very young age, which have continued till this day (read more about it on my blog, Rasaswad). That same backyard where I ran my 'school', also turned into a 'market place' where I ran a successful business. I've spent a few very challenging years in the corporate world - from dot com bursts to wall streety job to family business. And then there was Art. Art always kept tempting me away from science, or at least studies. It's been in my life in so many different forms - crafts, music, dancing, painting, and the list goes on (read more about it on my blog, Eager Artist). There are also thoughts about society and politics and how I can help people around me. And finally, as a woman, all that I need to and want to do for my family and home seems so much more important than any scientific discovery waiting to be made.

So, it's not that I don't like to or don't want to do research..It's just that I also want to do other stuff. A part of me is always asking - "Is this research really worth your time away from all that other stuff?" I'm still waiting for the time I find very clear answer to that question or when I can correctly set my priorities at all times, and manage my time to do it all. Till then, here's the journey of a 'Reluctant Scientist'.